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MARRIAGE

 

 

Copyright June 27, 2003 12:43 AM CST

By Dr. Michael J. Bisconti

 

Updated September 22, 2009 6:26 AM CST

Copyright September 22, 2009 6:26 AM CST

By Dr. Michael J. Bisconti

 

 

 

 

What A Marriage Needs To Survive

 

 

  1. A marriage requires a leader.  Why?  Whenever people join together in any kind of relationship, needs may arise for which there is no time for discussion or debate.  At such times, there must be someone previously designated to make the decisions.

 

  1. The man must be the leader in a marriage.  Why?  God says so.  Also, this is the conclusion drawn from numerous anthropological, sociological, psychological, and morphological studies.

 

  1. The man has more responsibilities than the woman.  Why?  The husband and wife must both provide for each other but God says the husband must also be thinking of new ways to provide for his wife.  Note: if you are an unmarried man and you think marriage is an equal partnership, God says you are not ready for marriage.

 

  1. The wife must have an attitude of deference toward her husband.  This means that the wife must speak in a tone of voice and use facial expressions and gestures that say to her husband “I know you are the leader in our family.”  Note: if you are an unmarried woman and you have no intention of having this attitude of deference, God says you are not ready for marriage.

 

  1. All money is God’s money.  It is a well-documented fact that most arguments between a husband and his wife are over money.  God says (not a Bible quote):

 

I, the Lord, own all the money in the world.  You are simply caretakers of my money.  You must do what I tell you to do with my money.

 

  1. Physical intimacy is a responsibility as well as a privilege.  It is a well-documented fact that the second most frequent area of disagreement between a husband and his wife relates to physical intimacy.  God says (not a Bible quote):

 

I, the Lord, have ordained that you shall have the privilege of physical intimacy within the bonds of marriage.  I have also ordained that this privilege is also a responsibility.

 

  1. The advice of parents and other relatives is to be ignored after the first year of marriage.  In addition to Scripture, in our modern times we have the results of thousands of studies that show that married couples may be better off receiving at least a tiny bit of advice from parents and other relatives but only during their first year of marriage.  God says in Ephesians 5:31:

 

For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh.

 

            In the InterClued KJV Bible we read:

 

For this cause [for the purpose of marriage] shall a man leave [physically and mentally separate from] his father and mother, and shall be joined [connected for the rest of his life] unto [to] his wife, and they two shall be [function as] one flesh [one mind (being in complete agreement at all times)].

 

The husband is to mentally separate from his parents.  This means that his parents can no longer either order him about or offer him advice.  And, if this is true of his parents, how much more so of other relatives?

 

The husband is the leader of the family.  Therefore, the wife must follow suit with her parents.

 

Now, some of you may complain: “But parents have a lot of good advice to offer.”  That is true.  Nevertheless, God says parents (and other relatives) are not to order about, or offer advice to, their married children.

 

Now, the Bible teaches us to seek advice from people that are wiser than ourselves (the “wiser advisor” principle).  Parents usually qualify as people who are wiser than ourselves.  How, then, do we reconcile the “no advice” principle stated above with this principle, the “wiser advisor “ principle?  The answer is this:  you may seek advice from your parents on issues that are in the same category as questions you would ask someone with more knowledge than yourself, such as a doctor or lawyer.  However, after a year of marriage, your parents could not possibly know more about how to nourish your marriage than you and your partner do.  You and your partner have come to know how to nourish your marriage better than your parents or anyone else ever will.

 

Now, where does the Bible specifically talk about parents and other relatives being allowed to offer advice during the first year of marriage?  Deuteronomy 24:5 says:

 

When a man hath taken a new wife, he shall not go out to war, neither shall he be charged with any business: but he shall be free at home one year, and shall cheer up his wife which he hath taken.

 

            In the InterClued KJV Bible we read:

 

When a man hath [has] taken a new wife [is first married], he shall not go out to war [join the army in the event war breaks out], neither shall he be charged with any business [concentrate on anything more than he does on his wife]: but he shall be free [justified in concentrating on his wife] at home one year, and shall cheer up [naturally, be a source of joy to] his wife which he hath [has] taken [married].

 

During the first year, the husband and wife are still learning how to nourish their marriage.  Therefore, their parents or other relatives may offer needed advice.  After the first year, the husband and wife know how to nourish their marriage better than their parents and their other relatives and, therefore, do not need more advice from them.