The Intelligent Person

The Life Foundations Nexus






Copyright December 11, 2003 2:12 PM CST

By Dr. Michael J. Bisconti


Updated November 29, 2009 10:04 PM CST

Copyright November 29, 2009 10:04 PM CST

By Dr. Michael J. Bisconti




How do you find a wife according to the Lord and according to the Bible?  Follow these steps (listed in order of importance):



  1. If you are not a Christian, become one.  See How To Get To Heaven.


  1. Be sure you are living a righteous life.  God provides more wisdom to the righteous than the unrighteous.


  1. The Bible says that people who join together in any kind of relationship - spouse, friend, co-worker, etc. - must be in agreement.  Therefore, you must know that your future wife agrees, above all else, to do the will of God (what is right, what is best).  You will find the will of God at The Will Of God For Mature Adults.


  1. Find a woman who agrees with God’s major principles of marriage.  You will find the major principles of marriage at Marriage.


  1. Marriage is more than a union of Christians.  It is also the union of human beings.  That means that you and your future wife must be in agreement about things that are not explicitly commanded by God.  For example, there is no verse in the Bible that says you should marry an astronaut.  The Bible simply says that you should marry a Christian.  However, if you are an astronaut, you will be happier if you marry an astronaut.  You will be happier if you marry someone who will not try to prevent you from satisfying the personal desires that God has put in your heart.  Therefore, you must know that your future wife agrees with your personal desires.  If you do not know the personal desires of your heart, then, the personal desire of your heart is simply to live a great life.  In that case, you simply need to find a woman who wants to live a great life.


  1. Find someone you love.  Love is not physical attraction.  You’ll notice that this was not the number one step.  That is because the Bible teaches that love should follow the mind and not that the mind should follow love.


  1. Find someone that loves you.  Again, love is not physical attraction.


  1. Do not be overly concerned about whether the other person is physically attractive.  Physical attraction is a chameleon.  It will come and go depending on a variety of factors.


  1. Find someone who is not overly concerned about whether you are physically attractive.  Again, physical attraction is a chameleon and will come and go depending on a variety of factors.


  1. If you must choose between women who fit everything that we have described above, choose an educated woman over an uneducated woman.  God does not love ignorance.


  1. Go where you can find a righteous woman.  It is true that you can find a righteous woman in many places.  However, you are more likely to find a righteous woman in some places than in other places.  Here are some suggestions:


    1. Church
    2. PTA Meeting
    3. Family gathering


  1. Be more concerned about having a “handsome” soul then about having a handsome appearance.


  1. Make yourself as handsome as possible.  Part of the reason women, and men, get married is for the beauty that their spouse brings into their life.  If you are overweight, lose weight.  If your hair is disheveled, comb it.  If you use cologne, use as little as possible.


  1. God has other principles that can help you find a wife.  You can find these other principles in the Bible.